Indebted To You
by Kristoffer Roux
Summary: Stupid, isn't it? Loving someone whom you know he can't love you. Gokudera's thoughts about Tsuna and his past life.


Hey there!

By the way, the name's fuckin' Gokudera Hayato. You can call me any name that you like but if you tease my beloved Tenth, I swear I will fucking kill you!

I was born in Italy. My mother died when I was just a kid and I was brought up by my father and he remarried because my mother was … I don't know. Prohibited to marry, I guess. And my father and his second wife had a daughter named _Bianchi. _I never mentioned her name before. It sends shivers down to my spine if I did. It was really scary. You know when I was just a child; I knew how to play a piano. And my father said that I was excellent in playing it and he thought I had a talent. And so I played it but _she_ came along. My father told _her_ that she will bake cookies for me so I will be good in the future years and so she did. But when I ate it, it felt nauseating. It was POISONING my goddamn stomach back when I was playing a piano and I played it absent-mindedly especially crazily. My father told me that I was becoming better and I think he thought that it was because of _her_ goddamn cookies! Damn it! And so I was forced to eat it with her evil eyes! I hate those goddamn eyes! Even up to this day.. goddamn it! And then I never look unto _her_ eyes again because if I did, my stomach aches abruptly.

And so that makes me a ½ Italian and Japanese (forget what I said earlier). Because of my mother, no one accepted me. Well, everyone did but not their whole fucking hearts! Whenever I did a mistake, they refused me now! Do they have to wait to make myself a mistake? And after that, I thought my future will gonna be dreadful, oh so dreadful! I was wrong. I can't believe in myself or any of my abilities and because of Shamal's, I copied his hairstyle (because I thought it was cool) and he trained me how to use dynamite as a weapon.

And then… _he_ came and touched my heart at the same time! I thought he was unsuitable as the Vongola Tenth Boss and I was so really _really_ wrong. I regret it even up to this day. Why would I doubt that he's not suitable? Huh? Tell me fuckin' why! Well because he's just a kid and I thought he was weak but when we dueled, he was so goddamn strong! I thought I was gonna die but he still saved me and extinguished the fire came on my dynamites. He was really _really _suitable. No one can be the Boss but him and only him, I mean. He was a good kid. How can a boy like him be a mafia Boss? A mafia boss is greedy and stuff like that. They're bad because they only like is money! But him? He is so good and almost everyone likes him. No one can hate him or even if they do, they envy him.

Damn. These feelings I feel.. they're stupid. Tenth won't hear it even if he is indeed good to others. Tenth considered these stupid feelings as admiration and _only _admiration. I know.. big stupid isn't it? Loving someone whom you know he can't love you. I'm not fucking gay either. It's just that.. I know it's true I admired him but.. is it really just an admiration? I asked that stupid goddamn question many times if I saw him. He's just so goddamn perfect while me, imperfect! I remembered something.. me and Tenth were talking.

"_Tenth! You know what, you're so perfect!" I can't say 'goddamn perfect' either. No, not in front of him._

"_EH? You're crazy, Gokudera-kun, right?" Tenth thought I was joking again and describing each of his perfection caused Tenth to laugh. His laugh is sooo sweet and I always blush if he does that. _

I smacked my head onto the wall. Damn. I walked unto the very thin line again. I don't know why but that line is forbidden. But I know Tenth loves me but just a friend, not more than. It's really really sad for me. But heck, who will fall in love with me? I'm just a right-hand man of his. He's the boss; I'm the right-hand man. The Boss won't fall in love with a subordinate. It's only talking a liking of it. Sometimes, I've really thought, _does Tenth like me or not? _Very stupid again, Hayato! Of course he likes you but just a friend. Just a friend, my conscience answered. Stupid! Talking to myself again.

"Hey there, Gokudera." I knew who it was. That's Yamamoto Takeshi, the baseball maniac, idiot, the optimistic person, idiot, oh wait.. did I say idiot? But he's more idiot than I was. I laughed to myself and growled at him, "Where's the Tenth?"

"He's at the office," he maniacally replied and smiled again. I don't care about him anyways. I only care about is the Tenth.

"Is he calling for me?" I asked stupidly.

"I think so," replied the unsure Yamamoto.

"Why are you uncertain, baka!" I exclaimed angrily.

"Hey, Gokudera-kun! What's going on here?" There it is again. He made me blush and looked down once again. He is the only human being on Earth to feel this stupidity. _Again Hayato, talk, _my conscience brought me to Earth.

"N-nothing, Tenth." He smiled once again.

"Come to my office, Gokudera-kun."

And so I followed him, leaving Yamamoto stupidly at the hallway. I don't know what Tenth will do to me or talk to me. But only I know is I'm gonna stay like this forever, these stupid feelings or whatever and I'm gonna stay ..

INDEBTED TO YOU, MY BELOVED TENTH.

Authoress notes: What do you think?

Comments, reviews and criticisms are all well-accepted.

"Reviews aren't supposed to be damned." – Gokudera Hayato

END


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